I need a little Grace
I started writing this a couple months ago. Right about the time I got Grace. I am trying so hard to be upbeat and positive but until you have walked these shoes you just will not get it. This is why I tell you all how I am feeling; so that maybe you will be more compassionate to those you know going through something similar. The feelings come and go but the mind racing thoughts rarely go away. It takes a whole lot of energy to focus and keep your mind in the right frame of mind. I literally get home from work and sit down and fall right asleep about 3-4 days a week. This is another reason the name, Grace, is so important. Every time I call her name or think of her. I think of the sweet little animal that saved me. I think of the meaning of “grace”. I think of God’s grace.Here is my needing more “Grace” day and the hurt I was feeling. I need more grace than the little 5 lb cat, Grace. Today was difficult. I was at home with my Mom and it had been a hard week for the both of us. I was working on my R+F business and she was going through mail. My iPad just wasn’t doing the job so I went to the basement alone. Chloe couldn’t figure out where I was so I was really alone down there for the first time. It was Dale’s office. I just cried. I got my cards uploaded on Vistaprint and went back upstairs. We went to United to grab lunch then the cemetery. So many times in the past week I wanted to talk to Dale. It just seems unreal and I’m very angry. We get back to the house and throw on our boots and jeans. I have an old pair of boots in Dales closet. So many memories. Finally we head to the barn. The filly’s come running immediately. I just wanted to stay there forever. They are changing so much and just going to get more beautiful. I would do just about anything to jump on the back of one of them and take off running…..I don’t care where or when we wander back. I just want to ride and take off into the sunset until the pain is gone.