I am sorry I have not been around much! I have been extremely busy with work and school. I am finally enjoying some time reading books for fun instead of text books! Yay! The past weeks a few things have occurred to me and I feel like everyone needs to hear these things! So I will share a couple stories with you.
Today, I was leaving a message for a customer and I could not get it together. So I erased it and re-recorded the message two times. Now wouldn’t it be great if life were like that. Yes, absolutely! But it is not. That is why we must have strong faith. He helps guide us to our goals. We all mess up. This is what life is about. Learning from our mistakes. What would we learn if we erased everything and started over every time something undesirable happened?!
I know without a doubt that going through trauma the past year has changed me 180%. I am not the same person, I see every day and opportunity as a gift. I have now been dubbed as having “complex trauma disorder.” This just means that when I experience waves of triggers or moments of anxiety that I may have a more difficult time finding the trigger, calming myself down and snapping out of it. I frequently stare off into space. I almost always do not realize what I am doing. I know it’s getting better and easier. I do not feel like I have complex trauma and honestly felt like I was over the hump. But here is the thing, trauma has a mind of its own and it absolutely sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It will knock you to your knees instantly, which is not necessary bad. Go ahead and meditate and pray while you are there. Inevitably a dog or cat will come get all up in the middle of your business and break your focus. But they are wonderful loving creatures that just want to love you.
I have also realized that even though there are always two sides to every story, no one gives a damn. Every person involved is selfish and thinks they are right. I know it is very difficult, but you must not lose sight of who you are or trying to become over this. You need to be you and the best version of yourself you know how to be. This is your life and you can not expect anyone else to understand it. I read a scripture that is very much real to me. Isaiah 59:4 I keep trying to remember that God has a reason for teaching me so much about evil in my short life, but I wonder why? What does this mean.
I have yet again, lost sight of my point. If you did not do something today you are proud of or finish the dishes, there is always tomorrow.