This will be the first of many controversial posts. These are my stories, not yours. My takes on things I would do different now that I know how I was affected by these things.
Driving home from Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, I heard the song “Love Triangle” by RaeLynn. The lyrics are very powerful to a child who grew up in a divorced home. Holidays were always bittersweet. I only saw one of my parents. I never saw both on holidays. As a child it is difficult to understand.
If you are considering divorce and have kids please take my words to heart.
Do not ever speak badly about your ex to your children. Do not ever fight in front of your children. If you need to have a neutral zone to drop off the kids then do so. I was always dropped off with a grandparent and picked up by the other grandparents or parent. Kids are so smart and pick up on everything. The harm that these actions cause is insurmountable.
Remember this: At one point you loved your spouse enough to vow to spend your lives together through sickness and health….you made a child or children together. Respect each other and your children enough to let them figure things out for themselves. Do not use your children to hurt each other.
Your children will respect you more if you let them grow in their time. But wait until they are old enough to understand because even as a 38 year old….this shit is real and hard to understand. It hurts to the core. It causes pain you could never imagine. It also keeps them from being happy for years and not knowing why.
Behavior is very much learned. I was sent to a counselor, I was also quick to pick up on what she was doing. I never once told her the truth. I knew she was telling my Mom everything. Do you really think your child is going to tell anyone what is really wrong when both parents are using said child to hurt each other? Give your kids some credit. They hear more than you know. They see more than you think. They feel deeper and more honestly and lovingly than you. Children are still in their honest pure form until they start learning that life just simply is not easy.
I am certain I will update this post at some point. There is a lot I would like to add or change. I just keep feeling like there are things I am supposed to share for a reason. Not because I have demons or frustrations about things because I am healing through my studies as a counseling student and seeing a counselor as well.
For now…take care. Feel free to comment. I would be appreciative of any feedback.