The most frustrating things are out of our control.

You have to pray about it and move past the anger stage more times than you could ever imagine. I have been trying to write this post for months. I started this post in July. I just could not get my thoughts quite together in the right way. But now I’ve remembered that I survived the scariest thing that can happen to a human and I am left here to tell the story.

I am not naming any names so, what is wrong with talking about this. I’m sure several people have their opinions about why I shouldn’t. This is my story, not yours. I think if I help at least one person then it has served a purpose. I feel this is the best thing I can do. People need to step outside their box and comfort zone of life and look at what is happening in the current world we live in.

I received a call to go to the DAs office. They wanted to update me on the case. Here is what it came down too. They said we do not want to go to trial, we are thinking about pleaing him out because he is a first time offender. Ok, backup….a first time offender that is being charged with 5 sexual assaults. What?! That makes zero sense. So then they proceed to tell me this “well in this county jury’s do not see people hanging out at a house having a couple of drinks as rape.” Again, what?! I was walking out the door he came up from behind me, grabbed me by the wrists, turned me around, got aggressive and said I wasn’t #*@$!+% going anywhere. The lots of details I am leaving out for the sake of the case….if that’s even what we are still calling it. Victims get the short end of this stick. The ADA insists, we believe you but we don’t want to lose the case. Then they said this county only sees rape as a girl walking down the sidewalk with her bible in hand on her way to church, getting grabbed and raped in an alley or van as rape. “Beyond a reasonable doubt.” These words get on my nerves as much as “survivor” does. Has anyone actually put thought into why rape victims are called survivors? It’s because most don’t, but you won’t find statistics on that. You also won’t find statistics on rape victims that suicide.

Living in a constant fog. Planning out your day so you remember to eat or even shower, is not surviving. I want to make sure these victims are truly living again. Ok, getting off that soapbox before I make myself sick.

How do we change this era of thinking? How do we get the world to see how rape cases actually happen? How do we change the system?

Now back to me sitting in the office boiling over, “a jury won’t see this as rape.” Let me be really honest. I have nothing nice to say at this point. I told them they were not trying hard enough in a 3 page letter that I wrote the next day. This is our legal system. This is why at least 65% of rapes do not get reported. I believe this is why the suicide rate of rape victims is very high. Rapes are underreported. Convictions are difficult.

We are not all wired the same. Fortunately, I am strong and willing to go as far as I need until this gets a judgement. This is too difficult for most people and I understand. But hear my words and take them to heart. I am here for you and willing to help you. You are enough. You are strong too.

UPDATE:

A couple weeks ago I had another almost meaningless meeting at the DAs office. We are set for trial soon. Whatever that means. He is only willing to plea to a misdemeanor. WTF, is that even an option….ok, get back on task. Trial. Yes, I understand the risks. I am 110% willing to take them. Right or wrong?! Guilty or not guilty?! It does NOT matter. God has complete control of this and just like my tattoo on my wrist says…. (See post Romans 12:12). I can do this. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:12-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Published by My Saving Grace

I am just an ordinary girl that has been through more than most people in my short life. I want to help others heal and overcome life's difficult moments by sharing mine. If I help one person then I have done my part. My main goal is to help victims of Sexual Assault find Hope, Healing and Peace from the most difficult thing a person can ever go through. It is a long journey but we will do this together. View all posts by My Saving Grace