I want 100 followers by July 4th. I have two gift cards of unspeakable value. Follower 100 gets first pick. Then I will have a randomizer pick the other one. But if it does happen before the 4th there will be an extra festive gift in the package!
I just want to make relationships with survivors and go to the Canyon and walk or go get coffee or go to burn studio and have fun. If you are painting or walking or talking or singing you are not thinking! Good for the brain! I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t join us due to money.
The first few weeks after the assault I felt like I was losing my faith. It’s hard to explain unless you have been there but everything you have ever known and trusted has been crushed. You start questioning everything including the assault itself. You have people telling you what you need to do and you just feel like a zombie. There are people making you tell the story for days after over and over. Then you write it all down. Then someone else tells you to keep a journal so you do not forget things.
There is no way you can forget any of the details of the assault unless you are knocked out or drugged. In fact, once you settle down and get out of your hyper vigilant state you actually remember things.
Anyway…I do not want a sad/angry/fear filled post. I want to tell you about how I lost my faith and how I’m slowly getting it back.
1. Listening to K-Love ( @KLoveRadio ) before bed, then downloading the app, then on the way to work….just last week I started listening in my office at work also. So basically all the time. I sing it so loud in the shower and pray my neighbors have a better day for it!
2. Long walks with my dog Chloe….but definitely only when the sun is out :). Look for a beautiful sunrise, sunset, or flower. Whatever makes your heart tick.
3. Journaling – Sometime to get the yucky stuff out and other times to write down a quote or scripture that makes me feel warm and fuzzy
4. Painting and other crafts – if you are painting or creating something beautiful you are not thinking about trauma
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
Today a friend came over for a little bit and when she left I sent a text saying “awww, she misses you! She has not moved since you walked out of the door!! Then I sent this picture.
She said “LOL! No she’s not! She’s staring at the poop bag!”
I said “Ok so maybe she moved her head slightly when I captured the moment.”
It’s all about perspective. We can choose to see the joy in things or the poop. Honestly, either way you look at this short story it is about joy! Because the cat was happy doing whatever it was she was doing… I keep wondering if she saw freedom outside the door or if she really did want the attention back. Maybe the poop bag was entertaining. Cats are weird but hysterical. I laughed about this conversation a few times today.
Remember to look at your glass half full. If you find it looking half empty then let’s talk about some things that can fill your cup back up! The glass is always refillable!!!
Love y’all and thanks for reading, liking and following me!
Katie and Grace
(She is actually laying across my neck making it difficult to type!)
September 13, 2017 at about 7:30am I am trying to get settled in after the hospital. My phone dings with my verse of the day. I wasn’t really interested but I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours at this point so I read it. It was Romans 12:12.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
Romans 12:12 NIV
I read this a few times and then decided to just keep reading.
“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.”
Romans 12:13-19 NIV
Whoa! He was listening to my cries for help and He put exactly what I needed right in front of me.
I studied this verse everyday for about a month. The one thing I could not wrap my head around is “why would we ever patiently suffer”. This made me angry at times. I do not want to feel like this. This is not fair. I did not deserve this and I did nothing wrong, why do I need to suffer through it.
I decided I would just stick with the highlights that gave me peace until I could come up with a better explanation. So I was definitely working on being hopeful and faithful in praying. Anytime one of my friends or loved ones was angry I would recite the whole thing to them. It became so much a part of my daily routine and how I was helping others cope with my situation that I decided I needed to read it everyday. Everyone in my life needed to read it everyday. I got the tattoo on my wrist upside down so everyone can read it unless I choose to wear a bracelet or my double wrapping Apple Watch band. It says “Romans 12:12-19”.
It wasn’t until a month ago that patiently suffering made so much sense to me. It was about my step-dad Dale passing away. This is most definitely what this is about. I am suffering a little at a time. Some days are hard and others are just ok. Everything reminds me of him and I wish he was here for his wisdom of how to handle this case. Dale always knew what to do. But I still have God and his infinite wisdom to guide me. I have to get it right. I need to remember I am not doing this alone.
And that is exactly the point of my blog and support group. We do not have to go through this alone. You do not have to accept your first therapist as what you are given. You have the right to choose who helps you through this. But you must get help from somewhere and I will do whatever it takes to help you find it. Just ask.
My life completely changed in September 2017. It was September 12, 2017 to be exact. I was sexually assaulted. I am a survivor. I had no idea how much of an impact being called a “survivor” would be until I started learning everything I could about sexual assault and the related statistics. I have been trying to find how to heal and find hope ever since that day. I knew I was going to do something big to help change the world. I just had no idea that a little black cat would give me the inspiration.
Grace is a rescue cat. She is the size of a kitten. Her neck is 5 inches around and when I first brought her home she was very sick. The first ten days she had 8 different medications 2-3 times daily. You could feel her spine and ribs, even with all the hair.
Now she is full of life and energy. Her hair is getting thicker, feels like a rabbit and is super shiny. She has adjusted quite well…minus the small issues with the litter box being where she wants it. (She clearly rules the house already.) I will probably come back to the littler box issues because it’s quite a story. There has not been one day that this sweet little girl has not purred, played, and chased imaginary things. She begs for food and treats and follows Chloe and I every where we go. I would say those are definite signs of a happy cat and we are only two months into this little adventure. It is quite remarkable because you can tell she has been through some stuff.
Here she is looking beautiful and up to something at the same time!
I have been planning on going to nursing school to get my BSN for a few years now. I have been praying about this decision for several years. After bringing Grace home things started happening. One night while listening to her purr and trying to fall asleep through my insomnia I decided she was #mysavinggrace. I had been looking for grace in my situation. Then it hit me. I will get my Masters in Counseling. God has definitely been showing me signs of this for months and the signs all finally came together. Another night I realized I needed to do more for others in my same situation. So I decided I would start a support group. Well another night while trying to sleep I decided my group would be inspired by Grace the Cat. So here begins the journey that I hope to turn into a foundation for survivors of Sexual Assault. I eventually want to be able to provide scholarships and support to survivors that want to pursue a social services/counseling path.
This is my Boxer Chloe and Grace watching me get ready for work. You can sorta see in the right that I am creating a cat walk for #mysavinggrace and I just hope she eventually appreciates it as much as she does her two litter boxes. (UGH SO ANNOYING!)
My computer is acting weird and I do not have the patience to fix it. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Information Systems. The only issues I fix in this house include wi-fi and printers. Everything else “I do not know how to do that”. And by my house, I mean….EVERYWHERE I GO! So anyway this video is sideways and these two are just the cutest! I was eating lunch and turned around and thought I was snapping a quick photo! lol!
This is the beginning of an incredible journey. I can not wait to see how many people I can help, but even if it is only 1 person then I have fulfilled what my heart set out do to.
I hope you will join and support me on my path of healing. I hope you will share your stories also. But most of all I want you to find your peace.